12th Grade Student Shocked to Receive Decent Sleep

By Tegwyn Hughes – Editor

Reporters crowded outside of 121 Meadowland Drive this morning as Molly King emerged from the front door in her PJs and slippers, a look of awe on her face. Molly’s mother had called the press half an hour earlier to report that her daughter, a grade 12 student at Lisgar Collegiate, had actually gone to bed at 11:00pm and had still been sleeping deeply when she called the CBC at 6:30. Since the beginning of summatives, Molly had been staying up until the early hours of the morning, allowing herself to rest for maybe one or two hours before before it was time to get ready for another day of school. Naturally, Mrs. King had been worried, but this sort of behaviour is to be expected of a seventeen year old at the end of the school year.

This morning, Molly King spoke into our reporter’s microphone with confusion, saying “I set my alarm for a fifteen minute nap while my English essay was printing, and the next thing I heard was my mother sobbing with happiness and the chirping of the birds outside my window. Why didn’t my alarm go off? I had so much work to do! Mr. Roberts is gonna flip when I ask for an extension…”

We were able to reach out to some of Molly’s friends, who would only talk to us after they had had their morning coffee. Patrice, Molly’s girlfriend, fell asleep halfway through the phone call, but before she did we found out that Molly usually sleeps on the airport chairs during her period 3 spare to catch a little shuteye (when she doesn’t have an assignment due period 4). Factored into her usual three hours at night, this totals an already astounding four and a half hours per day. Molly is probably the best-rested student in all of Lisgar!

An ambulance was called to the King home home by a concerned neighbour and doctor, Mr. Thompson, who told the Lisgarwrite that the shock of sleeping for over seven hours might be enough to put Molly into a coma, or worse, kill her. A similar case in Smith’s Falls was cited by the neurologist, where a young boy slept through his alarm and became paralyzed from the waist down due to his body’s immense relaxation.

As press time ended and approaching sirens wailed, Molly was spotted on her front lawn, fingers flying over the keys of her laptop, asking the reporters if any of them had a wireless printer in their van. ♦