By Cathy Jing
Do you always seem to get 50% or lower on your tests? Think you can do better than that? With this easy guide, now you can! With these five foolproof tips, you can get 100% on your test every time.
Before the test
1. Use your phone in class to warm up for test day
Take advantage of your phone and social media for the full 75 minutes of class. Using your phone allows you to constantly move your fingers, which keeps the circulation going. This warms you up for writing paragraphs upon paragraphs on test day. Studies have also shown that texting is a more effective way of warming up you fingers than taking notes in class.
Teenagers love to take risks, so cheat! If your teacher notices black ink on your arm, say it’s a tattoo that expresses your love for Newton’s three laws. That’ll throw ’em off.
After the test
Congrats! You finished your test and hopefully you received a mark for it. If it’s still sub-par, like a 12%, even after steps #1 and #2, proceed to the next steps:
3. Scrounge for marks
Since your teacher is awful at teaching, what are the odds of them being awful at marking? Scour your test for hidden marks their old eyes clearly missed. For example, if you wrote your name on the test, then that is another mark. Because many students fail to do such a difficult task, your teacher will be grateful for your efforts. Soon, you’ll have found 88 extra marks hidden in that one page test, making that a 100%.
4. Tell your teacher you deserve this
Convince your teacher you’ve been a great student all semester round; you do one-fifth of your homework and you’re only late on days that end in “day”. Make sure to guilt-trip your teacher, too; say they didn’t teach the unit properly and that it’s their fault you didn’t do well on the test. You’ll get your full marks in no time.
5. If all else fails, show your teacher who’s boss
Your parents are useful for two things: giving you an allowance and complaining to teachers. Bring them to school and get them to threaten/politely ask your teacher to change your mark. They should threaten/remind your teacher they could get fired if they complain to the school board. Teachers bow down to your parents’ authority over their jobs. Voilà, justice is served!
These five well-rounded tips are 100% sure to get you 100% on any test. If they still don’t work for whatever reason, there is no hope for you and you should probably drop out of school. But if that isn’t an option, you can resort to the “in-case-of-emergency” method: study. ♦