How To: Staycation

By Miasya Bulger

Step One – Take Precautions:

Tell all your friends that you want to hang out then immediately become inactive in every group chat you’re in. That way, when nothing ends up happening, no one will blame you!

Make a study plan for exams. Tell yourself that this year, you will be productive during your winter break. Then ignore the plan for the rest of your life.


Step Two – Execute:

Tell your parents that you’re busy so that they don’t drag you into ‘family time’. Promise them one holiday dinner then they’ll leave you alone. Trust me, I’ve done it.*

When everyone on instagram posts pics of their exotic vacations, fit in the crowd by posting an old summer pic of a landscape and hashtag it #TBT. If you want to be extra trendy, caption it with some sad face emojis and a dramatic “missing summer”.

Every time Netflix asks you, “are you still watching?” get insulted for about thirty seconds, go get some junk food, then resume Netflixing.


Step Three – The Aftermath:

The night before school starts, try to go to bed at a reasonable hour. It won’t work because you already destroyed your sleep schedule, but at least you can say you tried. Feel regretful as you lie in your bed for a solid hour before falling asleep (nightmare about school optional).

Fall asleep five times in your first class. Anything less and you aren’t trying hard enough. Exhaustion on the first day back is part of teenage culture. Don’t disrespect tradition.

When your teacher asks the class “how was everyone’s break?” pretend your break was actually decent by mentioning the one semi-cool thing you did. People will act like they’re impressed for a solid thirty seconds. So worth it!

Once you get home from school, collapse into bed and cry about all the work you just got assigned.

Congrats! You survived your staycation, somehow. Now, time to start studying for exams! 


*I’ve never actually done it.