“It’s like one of those ink blot tests where the psychoanalyst squishes ink on a sheet and shows it to you, and someone says ‘Oh I see a butterfly’ and someone else says ‘Oh, I see my dead aunt coming down the stairs’” – Ms. Grant-Perras (Dec. 2005)
“Two dollars of your student fees go towards books and supplies and the other forty become my kids’ trust fund.” – Mr. Hodgson (Nov. 2004)
Student: I think for the summative we should make a big cake and hand it in.
Mr. St. Aubin: And then the cake with the most cash inside gets the highest mark. (Dec. 2004)
“Unsaturated fats have kinks in them, so they don’t bond as well with each other. They’re kinky, but they’re not into bondage… it’s kind of a paradox” – Mr. Wright (Dec. 2004)
Ms. Asselstine: Gentlemen!
Student: I don’t think they are.
Ms. Asselstine: I’m not allowed to say that! (Winter 2003)
“And when Donald Johanson dated Australopithecus afarensis – no, I don’t mean he went out with him…” – Mr. Meng (Oct. 2001)
“The development of beer… is a major turning point in the history of civilization…” – Mr. Meng (Oct. 2001)
“Begone with you! I have no interest in you! You want to join our club of polar molecules when you’re non-polar? I’m sorry, no mixing! That’s what water says to oil.” – Mr. St. Aubin (Oct. 2001)
“Remember that you’re aboard the Titanic Tang. It is going to sink at any time, if you don’t give me 100% effort. And 99.99999% doesn’t round up. It rounds to zero.” – Mr. Tang (Oct. 2001)
“Listen, two women had a really lousy weekend because of this equation. The least we can do is spend five minutes writing it down.” – Dr. Magwood (June 2007)
“That’s why we have “senior citizens” instead of “the geezer class.” – Mr. Hodgson (June 2007)
“Any resemblance between me and a dead idiot is purely coincidental.” – Mr. Arrigo (June 2007)
“Yeast doesn’t need to be paid, they don’t take breaks, and GreenPeace doesn’t care if you abuse them.” – Mr. Wright (June 2005)
“Long story short, I drove at 160km/h and ran 8 people over, but it didn’t matter. They were old.” – Mr. Hodgson (June 2005)
Mr St. Aubin: We can possibly envision – envisage?
Student 1: Envision.
Mr. St. Aubin: Envisage.
Student 2: Envision.
Mr. St. Aubin: *nods* So we can possibly imagine… (June 2005)
“I wanted to smoke a cigarette and I haven’t wanted one in a while. So I merely put a pen in my mouth and lit it on fire. A totally different effect, totally different.” – Mr. Hodgson (June 2005)
“I am here to teach this 75 minute class to earn my pay so I can get a PlayStation 2.” – Mr. Tang (Oct. 2001)
“If you take this out of context, Martin Luther seems like a pretty radical guy, nailing his feces to the church – I mean, theses. That would have been really radical!” – Mr. McCabe (Winter 2003)
“Mr. Ruff can go from the size of a fridge to the size of a full building. I’m sure he could kill me with one of his calves” – Ms. Whitfield (Oct. 2011)
“Put that phone away please… Unless you’re texting Jesus” – Ms. Hammond (Oct. 2011)
“Hi. Obviously I’m not Mr. Turner. I’m Mr. Beard. I have a beard. You can make any joke you want, I’ve heard them all.” – Mr. Beard (Oct. 2011)
“I don’t want to see anyone eating even a morsel of food while the teachers are still being eaten.” – Mr. Findlater (Dec. 2011)