By Aliaa Mohamed
I have a theory about Donald Trump.
He is secretly an Arab. I’ll tell you why.
See, being an Arab myself, I can spot my people miles away. I can smell the shawarma from approximately 5 kilometres off. I’m not going to lie; it’s pretty
impressive. So, when I saw Donald Trump, I had a feeling this guy was one of us. I’m not going to lie; I was pretty sceptical myself. That guy, an Arab?
For starters, he says things that make you feel like he doesn’t know anything. But that’s the trick that us Arabs do. See, we believe in something called Hasad, which means being jinxed by someone. Hasad is the reason why we never tell you about our plans or how much money we make; because people might jinx us and then we won’t have it anymore. And so, what people don’t know is that Donald Trump is smart, but he doesn’t want to show that off, because, let’s get real guys, the Hasad is alive and well. He can’t risk it; I mean, heck I wouldn’t. If people think you’re intelligent or that you know a lot of facts, next thing you know, you’re going to be waking up with a paralysed leg or in the hospital. That’s why he’s is in such excellent health; he knows people can jinx your intelligence, so why not just keep it to yourself? Like a true Arab.
Covfefe-gate is a perfect example of his Arabism. He could’ve just written the word “coverage” and gotten done with it. But then people will jinx him for his all-knowingness, and he might be waking up to a crisis in the U.S; oh yes, Hasad works in mysterious ways. So, instead, he makes you think he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and keeps you guessing. Like a true Arab.
Secondly, did you see how well he got along with the other Arab leaders during his visit to the Middle East? I’m telling you when we see each other from a distance, we immediately feel at home. We let our freak flag fly and next thing you know, we’re dancing to some good old Arabic music. And so naturally, being in the Middle East, Donald felt connected to his roots. He was smiling with the other Arab leaders, drinking tea and even dancing a little bit. Oh yeah, Trump danced the way an Arab uncle does; awkwardly and not really in time with the music. It was like he had met his long-lost cousins. And in case you didn’t know, we Arabs have a lot of cousins.
Honestly, Donald Trump acts so much like an Arab, I’m beginning to wonder if he is one. Forget Obama’s birth certificate; I think we’re going to have to check Donald Trump’s. Because no matter where we are, we Arabs can spot each other even in the rowdiest of streets, and I’m telling you, I have an inkling the Donald is one of us. ♦