A Lisgarite’s Guide to Throwing Shade

By ALIAA MOHAMED

Have you ever heard your fellow Lisgarites say they’re about to fail a test but they end up acing it? Have you ever wanted to react to their obvious lies without being too offensive? Ever wanted to give them a piece of your mind? In my humble opinion, the number one thing Lisgar students are known for is saying they’re so “gonna bomb” a test when in reality, they’ll be more than fine. And so to the topic at hand. As Lisgar students, we should focus on cultivating an essential life skill; the subtle art of speaking your mind without actually speaking your mind, also known as throwing shade.

Mark my words, this skill will get you far in life, especially when you have to interact with people you don’t particularly like. So, dear Lisgarites, I have dedicated an entire article on how to help you navigate shady commentary. There are many forms of shade, including facial expressions, vocal sounds and the sipping of your tea, which is arguably the easiest form of shade. However, the most cutting-edge variety of shade is slick wording, a very advanced level that a few will ever master, requiring years of rigorous training.

Let’s start with shady facial expressions. If a Lisgarite approaches you and tells you that they “haven’t studied” but you know very well they’ve been studying for the past 3 weeks, begin by rolling of your eyes. That’s the initiating shady action. Then, you could make an “mmm” sound by pressing your upper and lower lip against each other. Another option could be raising your right or left brow to express distaste. Basically, you are telling that person “You’re a liar” without actually saying it. Isn’t that handy?

Now, let’s move on to a more advanced version of shade, sipping tea, made famous by none other than the shade queen herself, Wendy Williams. This is a simple action, done immediately after someone says something questionable. You bring both cheeks to form a duck face and sip your beverage, all while looking them dead in the eye. You don’t need an actual beverage to perform the sipping of your tea; miming the motion is more than enough. For full effect, you should try sipping your tea and raising your eyebrow at the same time.

It is time we discuss the holy grail of shade: slick wording. If you find facial expressions aren’t quite expressing the irritation you feel around certain people, you may need to resort to your words. For example, if someone says “I’ve been working really hard on this project” and you know they haven’t, you could say something like “I’m sure the past few hours have been really hard on you” or “sure you have”. Cutthroat responses to reveal your true feelings without actually stating them are the essence of shade. A classic case that requires shade is when you hear about a fellow Lisgarite talking about you behind your back, alleging that you “stole their style.” The best method of shade in this situation would be the eye roll accompanied by the sipping of your tea shade, which roughly translates to, “Oh honey, you wish.”

So, my dear Lisgarites, now that I’ve bestowed upon you this most vital of life skills, you are truly prepared for the real world. As the iconic Nene Leakes would say, “Bring on the shade, girl.”