Contemporary Masterpiece Unveiled

By ISABELLE MCINTYRE

MONTREAL, QC — On Saturday, The Maroon Prism Contemporary Art Gallery unveiled their newly acquired piece Number 27C. As nearly 200 art lovers and reporters, brimming with excitement, crowded around the highly anticipated display still covered by a white sheet, the usually peaceful gallery became a sea of fuchsia infinity scarves, grey beanie hats, and black skinny jeans.

 

Ahead of the big reveal, the artist, Georges-Jean-Jacques de Châtillon, who was present at the unveiling, said of his new masterpiece:

“I think this is by far my most exquisite work, unequaled, unparalleled, unmatched by any other piece I’ve birthed. Truly, I have never laboured so tirelessly on anything in my existence. Days and nights, nights and days, were spent forging this piece without stopping, without a single moment of respite. […] The creation was truly a transcendent experience. It lubricated my life and allowed me to slip into new worlds of thought and feeling […] I have been transformed, as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. I am the butterfly and Number 27C is my gooey cocoon. This is truly my life’s work.” While saying this, de Châtillon pulled a silver handkerchief from his purple velvet pantsuit and proceeded to dab his eyes while quietly whispering to himself.

De Châtillon has made a name for himself in the art world, painting pieces for highly influential people such as Kelly Clarkson, Lil Pump, and Condoleezza Rice. The artist is also known for his activism to end the stigma against adult diapers. De Châtillon is the founder of AFDA, the Adults For Diapers Association, which distributes pamphlets promoting the benefits of adults diapers and hosts support groups for diaper-wearers who are discriminated against within their communities.

The unveiling of Number 27C was held in an entirely white room. Not only was the room white, but so was all of the staff; each had on a white leather bodysuit, had coated their body in white paint, and had bleached their hair. Diego Chicote, a gallery employee, confirmed, “Mr. Jakov, my employer, requires us to be white in order to suit the tone of the gallery and so as not to draw attention away from the artwork.”

At 9:37AM sharp, EDM started to play over the loudspeakers as two all-white people appeared on either side of Number 27C. As the song reached its climax, they pulled down the veil to reveal de Châtillon’s creation, a white canvas with a diagonal streak of a chunky, brown substance going across it.

The crowd went wild, each individual simultaneously pulling out their iPhone 6S and taking a selfie. Moments later, a loud thud was heard; an audience member, Gwendolyn Singlewomanton, had fainted. She later claimed that the episode was caused by the sheer beauty of the artwork.

When asked where he drew his inspiration, de Châtillon responded: “My parents own a farm in Prince Edward County. I had been staying in their basement for a few months when, one day, my dad forced me to help him feed the bull. It was then that I saw the beast for the first time; it snorted, turned, and directed its backside to me. Then, it started to relieve itself. Seeing the warm mush descend to the floor, I thought to myself: ‘What beauty.’ I immediately dropped to my knees and started to scoop the feces into a plastic bag. My father started calling after me, yelling, ’Leave the bull shit alone.’ But he didn’t understand. He’s never understood me.”

Later that evening, a bidding war took place for Number 27C between Posterior Malone, chairman of the Museum of Contemporary Art in Toronto; Charim Seaman, director of the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain; and Stephanie Liebwin, director of the Museum of Modern Art in New York City. After the auction, which lasted for nearly two hours, Number 27C was sold to Charmin Seaman for 43.8 million dollars.

 

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