Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse Retires early to Make Way for Trump

By Olive Nugent At a snap press conference today, Death announced unexpectedly that he will be retiring from his position as the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse. He expressed a sense of obligation to make way for younger, up-and-coming purveyors of fatality and heralds of armageddon, naming U.S. President Donald Trump as his successor. “I’ve … Continue reading Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse Retires early to Make Way for Trump

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Is Donald Trump an Arab?

By Aliaa Mohamed I have a theory about Donald Trump. He is secretly an Arab. I’ll tell you why. See, being an Arab myself, I can spot my people miles away. I can smell the shawarma from approximately 5 kilometres off. I’m not going to lie; it’s pretty impressive. So, when I saw Donald Trump, … Continue reading Is Donald Trump an Arab?

The Women’s March on Washington: Interview with Mme. Valérie Leloup

Thought to be the largest single-day protest in American history, the Women’s March on Washington took place on January 21st, 2017, the day after U.S. President Donald Trump’s inauguration. It was attended by an estimated half-million protesters, and among them was Lisgar’s very own Mme. Valérie Leloup. Lisgarwrite co-editor Olive Nugent sat down with her … Continue reading The Women’s March on Washington: Interview with Mme. Valérie Leloup

Make America Great Again: Trump’s Shocking Victory and How It Almost Didn’t Happen

By Amy Zhang Two-Thousand-and-Sixteen has, arguably, been one of the craziest years in recent history, from widespread creepy clown sightings to the massive public outcry after the killing of a gorilla, but the forefront of the entire year has been dominated with the U.S. Presidential election. For almost two years, the process has been worn … Continue reading Make America Great Again: Trump’s Shocking Victory and How It Almost Didn’t Happen

Weight of Justin Trudeau’s Ego Leads to Rideau St. Sinkhole

By Matija Stojanovic Inspired by a comment on the CBC website by someone named "CanadianHawk12" OTTAWA - Geologists and conservatives alike agree on an origin theory for the Rideau St. Sinkhole, which covers much of the block, but tragically missed the nearby McDonalds. It is suspected that the Ski Instructor/Prime Minister's arrogance leaked out from … Continue reading Weight of Justin Trudeau’s Ego Leads to Rideau St. Sinkhole